Beyond the obvious - Part 2

What Spirituality meant to me back then: The only (thankfully the only) occasion when I had had anything to with spirits in my childhood was when an over-inquisitive bunch of us purposely missed our van after school and stayed back to play the coin game where you invoke a dead soul and pose questions to supposedly get answers from the spirit. We did get what we then thought were answers and very disturbing ones at that. It had us all scared to death. We shrieked out loud, threw the sheet and the coin and ran for our lives! This is what happens when kids don't behave themselves, act ultra-smart and dabble into things they shouldn't.

...and what it means to me today: Today, spirituality means something completely different from some crazy voo-doo stuff that I thought it was. Put simply, it just means to me, connecting better with oneself through better awareness of the self, guided in part by a certain faith - blind or otherwise.

What God meant to me back then: That person, whose temple I could visit with grandpa. Grandpa'd ask me to close my eyes, pray for what I wanted n voila! when I opened my eyes, it would be right there before the God's idol. It was only many years later that it dawned on me, that it was just a silly ploy of grandpa's: he knew I'd always pray for nothing other than chocolates each and everytime we went, he'd get some with him, place it before the idol when I closed my eyes and conned me into believing it was God who granted my wishes!

...and what He means to me today: I don't know whether to call myself a theist, an atheist or an agnostic but I do believe in resting my precious faith n trust in a supreme force more than I can in most people around! I do pray for a few minutes every morning as a matter of habit. That apart, I do of course say special hellos to Him when Im going through those ultra-good times for which I have to thank Him and ultra-sad times when I need someone's neck to wring!

All in all, there's a certain serenity and genuineness about having those lil informal conversations with God in any way one wants to, without really forcing oneself into following the written-in-stone and cast-in-iron rules/methods for praying that each religion imposes on members of its community, whichever the community may be. That's precisely what I mean when I say 'spiritual but not religious'!

For any fourth person (the other three being I, me and myself of course), doesn't it seem abhorably quirky to witness a girl (aah no, the 'woman' can wait. 'Girl' will do for now) my age, to be rambling about religion instead of rave parties, to be tasting spirituality instead of spirits and to be discussing God instead of guys!?! Errrr wellll, bbye, Im off to a party. As for the spirits n guys, ye all can have it; they aren't my cuppa tea :)

Quote for the day:
For me, the spiritual quest will be a life-long work in progress.
~ Dan Brown

Beyond the obvious - Part 1

He: What're you reading now?
Me: The Bhagavad Gita
He: Really? Interetsing...How religious a person are you?
Me: I am spiritual but not religious
He: What on earth does that mean?
Me: Forget it, nothing. Just an interesting option that Orkut provides on its profile page.
He: Naaaaaah, knowing you Ms. Esoteric, Im not buying that

Having got a sneak peak of what is to follow, any sane person will stop reading right here. For the remaining insane morons, well, join the club :)

So getting back to the point, what do religion, spirituality and God mean to me? I don't intend to (just a nicer way of saying 'Im not capable of') pen down an entire spiritual discourse right now and right here but very briefly (yeah right!) here's what those high-sounding, supposedly profound terms mean/have meant to me:

What 'religion' meant to me back then: One of those words which I had hardly heard in usage, whose meaning I did not know and whose relevance in my life I did not understand until one fine day my van driver dropped me back from school even before school could open for the day. He handed me back to my mom n said "School illa ivattu. Mandal Commission galaate ante" (There's no school today. Mandal Commission riots are on). All it meant to me was one more holiday, some more fun. I had no clue of how religion and caste-based politics (which at that time had VP Singh at the centre of the storm, with his decision to implement the recommendations of the Mandal Commission), was taking severe tolls. The pomp of an extra holiday quickly came to a boring end; I wasn't allowed to go out n play in the true spirit of a holiday, since there was a curfew imposed and shoot-at-sight orders were issued. So all that religion meant to me back then, was something that had spoiled a good holiday.

Another brush with the then-mysterious 'religion' was when my family on one side and ,my school teachers on the other had me confused totally about what religion I belonged to. The teachers in... hold your breath...primary school, used to give us copies of The Bible, insist that we read it and told us that we all shouldgrow up to be true Christians. A few other teachers who were Muslims would often ask me what religion I was, thanks to my name - one that is used both in Hindu and Muslim communities, thereby not making my religious connection too obvious. When I innocently told them I had no idea, they'd conclude and insist that I was Muslim, since according to them, my fair skin and Muslim name were very characteristic of their community.Dash home, and there would be a copious regimen of daily prayers, which I did not understand beyond the melody and tune since they were neither in English nor my mother tongue - the only languages I could comprehend then. Confusion prevailed in my mind, of which religion I belonged to. Though it was an insignificant doubt at the corner of my mind to start with, the frequency with which I began to encounter the question "Which religion are you?" from various people and the fact that it was something significant enough to not let me play on a holiday, made me think it must be a really important goddamned thing and I must be stupid to not know it, when everybody around me seems to know. So it spurred me to finally go and ask my parents "Which religion am I?" and I'll never forget the confused look on their faces.

...and what it means to me now: Now that so many years have elapsed between then and now, my awareness of what religion means has certainly gone beyond knowing which one I belong to but the first learning i.e 'Religion is something that often spoils a good holiday because it causes riots' has unfortunately been proven true, time and again. If going to places of worship and following norms of worship laid out in the texts is what religion means, I amn't totally against observing those rituals but don't quite relate to most of it.

CONTINUED ...